Around the end of 2012 I decided to delete my Facebook Account and I like to explain to you why. It was a number of things that I disliked about Facebook and none of them were privacy issues that some people seem to have. A little had to do with the presidential election that was right around the same time. I could hardly believe all the hate and the crap I had to read everyday in my News Feed on Facebook. I truly found it unbearable! (I wish we could declare Facebook a zone free of politics and religion. We are all adults and have our opinion and nobody will change the opinion of another person with a status update).
But my main reason was another: it was jealousy. Yes. I said it. Jealousy. And I was not jealous about all the cool things everybody else was doing. I guess, I made people jealous myself with my beach photos. No- not that kind of jealous. I was jealous that other people had friends! I admit: I am having the hardest time to find friends. After almost 9 years I have not found one real friend in the US!
I have tried so hard! I even wrote some girls on Facebook things like "Hey- next time let me know when you do stuff like this". But this did not help either. I know- a pretty desperate move- but nobody invited me anyway! I WAS really desperate! Really- I have cried my eyes out because of pictures on Facebook! Why can´t I make friends? Am I unlikeable? I think I am actually pretty funny! I am not sure if this is because I am - always will be- this weird German , or because it is harder to make friends if you are older. Or is it just me? Or can you only make friendships that last when you are young? Is this why I am more connected to some friends in Germany which I have not seen in years?
Now, I am not saying that there is not people in my life. We have people with whom we do family activities and I do have some girls I do certain things with. But it is connected to a certain activity or a place. I do not have a true friend I can trust and call whenever I want to or need to. There is lots of people in my life who only call me if they need something. Honestly: for many years I did everything they wanted me to do because I was hoping to get a friendship out of this- but I realized: this is a one way street.
Ever been so desperate to check on Wikipedia what "Friendship" means?
"Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. Such characteristics include affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other's company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one's feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend."
"Germans typically have relatively few friends, although their friendships typically last a lifetime, as loyalty is held in high regard. German friendships provide a substantial amount of commitment and support"
"For Americans, friends tend to be people whom they encounter fairly frequently, and that are similar to themselves in demographics, attitude, and activities. While many other cultures value deep trust and meaning in their friendships, Americans will use the word "friend" to describe most people who have such qualities."
Is this the problem I have? Is friendship simply something else for me then for Americans?
This tiny word "friend" on Facebook seems so wrong to me. I rather want it to be "Acquaintances" and would probably feel better.
So back in 2012 I browsed through the list of "friends" on my Facebook and I thought to myself- none of these people are my friends! And I started to delete them- one by one. Who are all these people? People from my Elementary school? Delete! People I have not seen in many years? Delete! People I tried so desperately to become friends with? Delete! People who only call me if they want something from me? Delete! And I felt more free the more I deleted. After that I deleted all my photos all my status updates and then I deleted my Account completely. Yes, I did not only deactivate it- I deleted it. I had to not log in for 14 days and then my Account was really gone. AND I FELT GREAT! I FELT VERY COOL- AHEAD OF THE GAME!
I FELT FREE!
...until I opened a couple month later a new Facebook Account up. And why? I simply started blogging and in times like this you have to use all the social media to be successful. And to open a Facebook page for my blog I also needed a personal account. And back was I on Facebook. And today? No more jealousy? I am still getting these feelings. But I try not to look too intense on my News Feed. I use it more for my blog and I am also connected these days with some of my closest "blogger friends". Honestly: some of the girls I met in the blogger world mean more to me then the people around me! I am very grateful to meet -at least in the online world -such great people. Thank you girls! :-)
But I forgot something: I do have a friend. And he is always there for me. He is loyal- no matter what -and fully committed to me: my husband! So don´t waste a tear for me cause I can be happy to have such a good men. Because I married my best friend! A marriage can have it´s up and downs but I know that this little guy here will always be there for me.
Thank you for reading you guys. Have a great day.